My breasts used to be my favourite and most sensitive erogenous zones, me and my husband used to know exactly what would arouse me but now it always feels like such an effort to get turned on and I just can’t be bothered. My husband doesn’t know how to turn me on anymore. How can I get excited when I can’t get the same pleasure I used to?

Yvonne O’ Meara - Psychosocial Oncologist & Systemic Psychotherapist:

“Navigating a new sexual norm is hard. Recognising that your sex life will never be like it was before is a loss. This is not to say difference cannot be as good, or better. Taking the time to grieve this is important before you can move forward in exploring what is right for you. Communication is key with your husband. See this as an opportunity to explore. You describe a lack of desire as well as a lack of insight into what turns you on and therefore your husband is also in the dark. Maybe the first step is taking sex off the table and just focus on touch and sensuality. Go for a hot bath or shower together, light some candles, create an atmosphere and just concentrate on the feeling of your husband touching you. Tell him where it feels nice. Getting your sex life back after a mastectomy takes time and effort, but it will be worth it. Doing sensate focused exercises can help you build up your desire and get reacquainted with your body.” 

Siobhán O’ Reilly - Physiotherapist & Breast Cancer Rehab:

“Overall the adverse effects of breast cancer treatment are significant and the physical effects such as fatigue, pain and discomfort, scars, cording, radiation fibrosis and overall fitness can be significantly helped by an experienced physiotherapist, occupational therapist or exercise physiologists trained in cancer rehabilitation. Just like with injured athletes early cancer rehab is ideal when treatment effects can be well managed and progression to late or chronic stages can be avoided. Early patient education empowers patients to be aware of and to identify these adverse effects early before they progress to the later stages and are harder to manage.”

Many people feel shock, grief and disconnection when considering and managing a mastectomy. You are note alone, and professionals such as breast cancer nurse specialists, cancer rehab Physio or Occupational Therapists, Psycho-oncologists and Psychosexual Therapists could be useful for you.

Further resources:

• Tess Deveze, Australian Occupational Therapist who herself had breast cancer wrote A Better Normal: Your Guide to Rediscovering Intimacy after Cancer. Tess was also on the Irish podcast Glow West - Ep 105 ‘Sex, Cancer and Pleasure’.

• More resources at sciprojectireland.com/moreresources